


Why Is This So Hard?

by fandomfix



Series: you'll make your real friends and set yourselves apart [12]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:45:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9965885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfix/pseuds/fandomfix
Summary: It's Kylo's birthday and Phasma and Hux do something special for it. Hux wants to do somethingelsespecial.





	

**Author's Note:**

> gahhhh sorry all for the wait! I had the beginning idea for this one for a good two months and just couldn't get my butt in gear to write it. Plus I've had a very trying 2017 so far, which hasn't helped the muse. But I am here with another installment of our darling AU and i hope you all enjoy it <3333

The air was shockingly warm for April. Even at night, it was comfortable to be outside without heavy house scarves, and Hux couldn’t help but smile.

It was perfect for what they had planned.

After all, Phasma and Kylo had gone to so much effort to make his birthday worth celebrating. And Phasma’s had been when he got Millie. It was only right that Kylo’s birthday went just as well.

And if it happened to benefit Hux again, well so be it.

No, that sounded more selfish than he meant. But he had _plans_ for this birthday. They involved the Astronomy Tower, Kylo, and kissing. Hux didn’t actually know how he was going to accomplish this goal. He had no _proof_ that Kylo would want to be kissed—at least by him. All he had were the vague impressions he’d gotten over the past four months. Moments when Kylo would look at him a certain way, or smile when he thought Hux couldn’t see. The way they sometimes shared eye contact that Phasma would call _significant._

He wanted to do something about that. He just didn’t know what.

And then Phasma reminded him of that long-ago conversation about Kylo’s grandfather. He didn’t even remember telling her about that, but he must have. When he’d first brought up the idea of Kylo’s birthday, she’d immediately said, “we should go to the Astronomy Tower!”

Why she wanted to be stuck in that tower with them was beyond him, but it was a good idea and it would make Kylo happy.

That was essential.

So here they were, standing outside Gryffindor Tower. Kylo was blindfolded, and they were about to begin the long journey to his gift. He was oddly amenable to this plan, although he did keep threatening to hex them both if he tripped one more time.

“I can’t _see_. Please stop trying to throw me from the staircase.”

Phasma laughed, pulling him closer to her side. Hux tightened his hold on Kylo’s hand, smiling at the return squeeze he felt. They were finally coming to the final flight of stairs and Hux felt his heart pick up speed. It was Christmas and wand-sharing all wrapped in one terrifying package.

The stargazing was Phasma’s idea. The decorations were his.

Opening the trapdoor, he saw Phasma’s eyes widen as she told Kylo to take off his blindfold. Hux had snuck up here earlier and decorated the room with lights.

He’d stolen the idea from the decorations used at Christmas in the Great Hall. Now, there were lights filling the top room of the tower.

A gasp came from beside him and he turned to see Kylo, staring in awe.  His mouth was agape. Hux found himself distracted by the play of the soft light upon Kylo’s face. The way the shadows threw him into stark relief and seemed to dance around him.

 _‘Like magic’_ Hux thought, before immediately feeling like an idiot. He turned away, choosing not to see Phasma’s searching gaze.

“Ob-obviously we’ll need to remove the lights to stargaze. But I thought it would be a nice surprise to see the tower all lit up for you.” Hux turned to look at Kylo, who was already staring at him. “Happy birthday?”

“Hux,” Kylo whispered. Hux wondered what Kylo was going to say next. Now that he was looking right at Hux, he could see the reflection of the light in Kylo’s eyes. It was doing distracting things to his heart.

“Bloody hell, darling. And here I brought firewhiskey. You win the gift awards. Again.”

Hux and Kylo broke out of the trance they’d been in, turning to look at Phasma. She smiled lopsidedly at them, shaking her head and waving the bottle. Conjuring a blanket for them to sit on, she went over and flopped down, holding out her hand to pull them down with her.

Kylo settled first, and after Hux turned to lock the door behind them, he followed them to the ground. They sat in the center of the lights, and Hux was finally able to look at something other than Kylo’s face.

His stupid face with its lovely curves and strange brilliance.

He wasn’t sure if firewhiskey was the best or worst idea ever.

“Congratulations, Ky. You are finally seventeen and can join us in drinking. I know how it has burdened you to be the youngest.” Phasma brandished the bottle, taking a long swig before thrusting it into Kylo’s waiting hands.

“Oh yeah, Phas. I have never had a single underage drink in my _life_. This is a completely new experience for me.” He took a swig without flinching, lowering the bottle to smirk at Phasma. She laughed loud and happy, smacking him on the shoulder.

“Happy birthday, Kylo.”

Hux smiled, watching the two of them interact, drinking the firewhiskey when it was offered to him.

Eventually, Phasma realized that it was getting dark enough to see the stars. She ordered Hux to vanish the lights. But as he reached out his wand to do so, Kylo grabbed his wrist.

“Hold on,” he said. “Give me one more minute to remember them.”

Hux and Phasma waited in silence as Kylo turned his head to take in as much of the light as he could without moving. His grip on Hux’s wrist remained, but he closed his eyes as he turned back to face forward. Without opening them, he nodded his head, giving Hux his cue.

The lights died, putting them into darkness. Going over to the edge of the tower, they all stared out and up, taking in the stars above them.

Hux had never stargazed before. Until this year, he’d never even thought about the joy that could come from it. But now he could see the appeal. Sitting here with his friends, looking at the vast number of stars visible, he couldn’t help but feel small. Small and yet not inferior. He felt like he was seeing something magnificent. That he had been granted the power to see something not everyone did.

And he was sharing it with those closest to him. He could only hope that Kylo felt the same. After all, it wasn’t supposed to be _Hux’s_ birthday.

“You know,” Phasma said, her voice soft but full of humor. “I actually had my first kiss under the stars. Course, we were down on the quidditch pitch and it was a pretty bland kiss, all things considered. I prefer looking at them with you lot.”

Kylo huffed a laugh next to him. “How old were you?”

He couldn’t see Phasma’s face, but Hux knew she was smiling from the sound of her voice.

“I was in third or fourth year I want to say. So probably fourteen?”

“Better than me, I suppose.” Kylo mused. “I was twelve, but it was some random Gryffindor that I don’t even remember. Just ran up to me, grabbed my face and kissed me before running off again. I’m not even sure if it was some sort of dare or if it was real. It was never brought up again and I was left confused and freaked out.”

Phasma chuckled and even Hux smiled, despite how uncomfortable he felt. He knew what was coming next, and wished he didn’t. Phasma knew better than to ask him questions like this. Even after months of friendship, Kylo hadn’t learned.

“What about you, Hux? Wanna tell us your awkward first kiss story?”

Hux looked up at the stars, his mouth shut and his gaze unseeing. After a silence that flirted with becoming awkward, he answered.

“I don’t have one.”

“What do you mean?” Kylo asked. He felt the brush of hair on his skin and knew Kylo had tilted his head in question.

“I mean what I said, I don’t have one.” He kept his eyes trained on the stars. “I haven’t been kissed. Father never let me spend time around other children. When I came to Hogwarts, Phasma was the only one I could stand. Even as I’ve met other people, I’ve never felt the desire to kiss someone.”

That was a lie of course, but it had been true up until four months ago. Now, he’d very much like to kiss someone. He’d very much like to kiss Kylo. He wished he could have done it without Kylo finding out that he was seventeen and never been kissed.

“Wow,” someone said. He wasn’t sure who, although he suspected Kylo. He was pretty positive Phasma already knew this and never talked about it.

He wanted to curl up and become invisible. He wanted to jump out of the tower and soar into the skies. He wanted to go back to their circle of light and pretend this conversation never happened. It was leaving a strange twisting feeling in his gut.

Then Kylo kept talking.

“That’s amazing. I wish I could say that.”

“What?” Hux looked in Kylo’s direction, wishing it wasn’t so dark. Phasma was being suspiciously quiet, but he was too focused on what Kylo was saying to think about that.

“My first kiss was terrible and I don’t even remember who the other person was. Phasma said her first kiss was unimpressive. Neither of us got to grow up enough to know what we wanted out of our first kiss. You get that choice. That’s amazing. Of course it’s amazing. It’s you so it should be amazing. I mean, um, well—“

“Alright there, Kylo, he gets the point,” Phasma said, cutting off Kylo’s ramblings. Hux knew he was blushing, knew his heart was about to beat out of his chest. This was another of those confusing moments. Did Kylo mean it the way he wanted him to? Did he think he was amazing? He was almost glad that Phasma took control of the conversation. He needed a minute to calm down.

“I adore you both,” she was saying. “But I don’t need or want to know about your romantic histories. I know enough already and it’s frustrating. Let’s talk about something else.”

They both jumped at this idea, and the conversation soon resumed it’s quiet, easy pace. Hux almost forgot about the previous topic.

Almost.

Eventually midnight came. Even with Hux and Phasma having permission to wander the halls at night, it was getting much too late to be out of bed. Hux wasn’t ready to leave though. He wanted to stay here, in the peace and quiet for a little while longer. When he expressed this to the others, Kylo agreed.

“It’s been awhile since the weather’s been nice enough to be up here. I’ll stay with him Phas. It’ll be less suspicious if we don’t all leave together anyway.”

Phasma nodded, a smile flickering on her lips. She squeezed Hux’s shoulder, going over to Kylo and hugging him tightly.

“Alright loves. Goodnight and happy birthday again, Kylo. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

With that parting shot, she unlocked the trap door and descended the stairs of the tower.

They were alone.

This was everything Hux had wanted for weeks. But right now, all he was interested in was sitting in the quiet and looking at the stars with Kylo. They turned back to the sky, sitting side by side, their fingers brushing.

“Was it as good as with your grandfather?” Hux asked, wishing he was brave enough to hold Kylo’s hand. “Stargazing, I mean.”

He felt the brush of hair again, and knew from the sound of Kylo’s voice that he turned his head. Turning his own, he could almost make out Kylo’s face in the darkness.

“It was a perfect birthday, Hux. Thank you.” He felt Kylo link their fingers. Hux couldn’t take his eyes off Kylo.

“Yes well, it was Phasma’s idea as much as mine. I’m glad you liked it though.”

Quiet descended again, but they kept staring at each other. Hux didn’t know what was happening. Was this it? Was this his chance?

“You know,” Kylo said, his voice soft and feeling closer. He hadn’t moved at all, yet Hux felt like everything was much more intimate than it had been moments ago. “I do think it’s amazing you’ve never been kissed.”

Hux felt the heat rising to his cheeks again. “I’m glad I’m so entertaining to you.”

“No, I mean, just,” Kylo fumbled for the words. “You…are someone who deserves to be kissed. By someone who wants to kiss you, all the time. Doesn’t think about anything else.”

A hush seemed to fall over the tower, the silence of the night rushing in. He felt his heart beating a dangerous rhythm.

“Yes, well,” Hux cleared his throat. The fingers still linked with his own burned. “Where do you plan to find someone like that? It’s not like people in this school are exactly jumping at a chance to be around me.”

“I don’t think it would be so hard,” Kylo whispered. He said nothing else. They were still looking at each other, neither moving. This was it, this was the moment. Hux needed to lean in now before he had time to convince himself that Kylo wasn’t talking about him.

He was about to move, when he heard a noise. He froze, but didn’t pull his hand away or turn his head, until he heard the door to the tower begin opening.

“Don’t be stupid,” a boy’s voice whispered. “Who’s going to be up here this late at night?”

Hux tore his gaze away from Kylo, turning to see two bodies coming through the door. A boy and girl, possibly seventh years, possibly Ravenclaws. They were holding hands and the girl giggled as the boy pressed his nose to her hair. They froze at the sight of Hux and Kylo.

Hux felt Kylo pull away, and both of them stood up.

“Merlin, I’m sorry!” The girl was saying, looking ready to pull the boy down the stairs with her. “We’ll find somewhere else.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hux said, surprised at how steady his voice sounded. It wasn’t worth sending them away. His heart was slowing down to a steadier pace and Kylo had moved away from him completely. Whatever might have happened, it was ruined now. “We were about to leave.”

The couple still seemed hesitant and ready to go, but Kylo brushed past them, never saying a word. Not even saying goodbye to Hux.

He stayed long enough to nod at them and wish them a good night, before leaving. He didn’t even stay to make sure they’d vanished all the evidence of their drinking. Let that be someone else’s problem.

He tried to catch up with Kylo, but it seemed that he had rushed back to Gryffindor tower. Hux could have rushed after him, but thought it might be best to leave him alone. He couldn’t help but feel like something had gone terribly wrong, even if he didn’t know what. All he knew was that his chance to kiss Kylo was gone.

Maybe it was for the best. Kylo didn’t want to kiss him. He was just being a good friend, saying he wanted to find someone for Hux. The fact Hux didn’t want to date anyone but Kylo was beside the point.

They were best friends. Those were the types of things best friends did.

Best friends who had pseudo-romantic moments in dark towers with each other. It happened all the time. Yep.

Hux groaned, dipping into an alcove to hide while he had a minor breakdown. He was confused. _What just happened?_

He stood there for a very long time. Long enough that if he was caught, it wouldn’t matter that he was a prefect. He would get a detention regardless. He was also going to hate himself in the morning.

After a while, he decided to move. He couldn’t spend the whole night in this alcove, and he couldn’t spend the night freaking out about Kylo.

So, they might have almost kissed. So what? It was obviously a heat-of-the-moment thing. Hux had been too caught up in his plans. Kylo had never leaned in like he wanted to kiss him, that had all been Hux. Kylo had said he knew someone who wanted to kiss Hux, but that didn’t mean _him_.

And even if it did, that didn’t mean he’d want a _relationship_ with Hux. That didn’t mean he’d want Hux for anything other than a single kiss.

So, it was best not to think about it. Best to move out of this alcove and sneak back to the dungeon. Best to go to bed and forget about this whole night, pretend it never happened.

Maybe if he told himself it meant nothing enough times, he’d start to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> Are you as frustrated with these two as I am? Maybe it **IS** time for Phasma to step in and shove their heads together....or their lips. She'd probably go for the lips...
> 
> Come say hey on [our](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com) [tumblrs](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com)!


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